Part Two

Thanks for the great feedback. Much of it was quite passionate and some of it was very specific!!

I learned so much about people from their responses. For example, I met Chuck 15 years ago and probably know some things about him that even his mother doesn’t (sorry Barb). But when I sent him the first draft with the line “Tattooed, sinewy, and pierced, with rock star hair and a biker beard”, I was surprised when he replied, “For the record, I’m not pierced.”

I would have sworn that he was.

A slim majority of you encouraged Chuck to come out of the closet about his heterosexuality. It’s true and it’s easy and has a chance of moving a kid who is clearly stuck. The student’s attitude isn’t going to change, so why not pick a battle that’s winnable? Why not get the kid’s trust first and work on his bias second? In fact, an almost universal phrase in that set of replies was, “why not?”

You can probably tell by my initial description, Chuck is a “why not” kind of guy.

So I was a little mystified as he was telling me the story why he was resisting coming clean.

Viscerally, it’s because it’s none of the kid’s damn business. I know, we’re public figures, celebrities in our own classrooms, so we lose a bit of the luxury of privacy, but wait a second… did you hear how that sounds? I’m willing to be greeted at the mall and spied on in church, but if I should tell a student my sexual preference…what shouldn’t I reveal? Some things aren’t part of the price of admission.

If you’re looking for something noble, it’s that if he tells, it makes it harder for the teacher somewhere in his school who IS gay. What’s THAT guy supposed to do when a student says he can’t learn from a homosexual? He’s got it tough enough without Chuck giving in. You can also bet there’s a different kid in the same class who’ll slump a little lower in his seat when he hears a denial.

The pettiest reason is to not give the parent or the child the satisfaction.

Every teacher dreams of the perfect response, the one that’s funny and biting and doesn’t let the parent or the kid off the hook:

“What makes you think I’m gay?”
“He’s pretty perceptive, but not really my type.”
“I think he’s gay, too.”
“Will you take my word for it, or will you need proof?”

But, alas, neither Chuck nor I are close enough to retirement for that.

In the end, Chuck did exactly what I would have done. He’s not happy with it, but there are a lot of days in public education where you just have to throw up your hands. He let the mom squirm for 10 minutes, then looked her in the eye and said, “It shouldn’t matter one bit, but for the record, I’m not gay.”

The next day, he did the same for her son.